These days it seems like everyone is wondering what will they do if a Zombie Apocalypse happens. Do you prepare by building a safe house? Would you find the nearest ship and keep safe by keeping mobile? The CDC even posted their Zombie plan earlier this year. However, all the plans out there involve one key assumption – that you haven’t become a zombie already! Cracked.com took on the challenge of creating a survival guide for zombies.

The survival guide breaks down eight strategies and how a zombie could cope with them (if you are able to staple the guide to your chest and successfully translate it into ‘Blaaarrg-ese’). Strategies include how to build a sustainable human farm, getting the nutrition you need (that you can’t get from brains), how to defend yourself against well-armed survivalists, and even how to flirt when ‘blaaarrg’ could be an expression of affection or constipation. Even though you have become a zombie, it doesn’t mean you get to avoid taking responsibility for yourself and these tips are aimed at delaying or outright defying the decomposition process. For the complete details and list, visit the guide on Cracked.

PHOTO: Cracked.com