I have three dream jobs.
The writing for all three is catchy, engaging, fun and more than a little bit ridiculous, which is right up my alley. Take, for example, today’s pitch from w00t, which may be my favorite of all time. Reprinted in full, ‘cuz it’s that awesome.
AND NOW A COMPLETELY IRRATIONAL, FEAR-BASED SALES PITCH.
Go ahead: tell yourself you can’t afford to buy more junk.
‘Tis the season for holiday shopping and with it, shopping fatigue. It gets harder to convince yourself to splurge on cheap, battery-powered junk you probably won’t use and easier to say, “maybe my plan of going into indentured servitude to Visa wasn’t such a great idea.”Well how are you going to say no to a First Alert ONELINK Wireless Smoke Alarm 2-Pack
?“Oh, it doesn’t even make a good present!” You know what makes a good present? LIVING THROUGH A CATASTROPHIC FIRE
. “I don’t know, we’re already over our holiday budget!” Try not having a budget BECAUSE YOUR HOUSE BURNED DOWN
! “Look, I just wanted an iPod for my kid.” You know what your kid wants? TO AWAKE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT TO A HARSH BEEPING SOUND AND NOT THE FEELING OF FLAMES ROARING OVER THEIR BODIES AS THEY SHRIEK
“OH NO, WHERE IS MY MOMMY
? WHERE IS MY DADDY
? IT’S LIKE I
! MY NEW IPOD DIDN
’T WARN ME OF THE FIRE CONSUMING OUR HOME
!”So just to make it easy, if you DON
’T want to buy these smoke alarms, just check the box marked “I don’t value the safety of my home and worldly possessions or the lives of my loved ones.” Go ahead. Blame it on the holidays. IF YOU DARE
.Pick up your smoke alarms NOW.