My good friends, I believe it is important to acknowledge the potential for disasters every day and prepare for them accordingly.
A hurricane? Sure.
An earthquake? Certainly.
September is National Velociraptor Awareness Month and “Velocireadiness” is imperative to the survival of our species in the face of the egg-eating, pack-hunting, tricky wood-chipper of a dinosaur: The Velociraptor.
I answer your questions below based my own expertise and the FAQs from Velociready.org, a fine non-profit dedicated to increasing awareness of Velociraptors and their eating habits…mostly…you.
In the event of a velociraptor attack, do you recommend standing in a doorway? Thanks, Eden
First of all, we don’t even recommend doorways for earthquakes.
Second of all, if you see a raptor approaching and you’re standing in a doorway, I GUARANTEE, you’ve already been eaten by the one you didn’t know was there. Drop, cover, and holding under strong furniture is pretty standard procedure for both earthquakes and raptor attacks.
Is there a preparedness guide for velociraptor attacks?
Yes, it’s called “Jurassic Park,” you will be amazed how quickly your kids get prepared. For everything else there’s Red Cross Fast Tips
How do I make my home Raptor-Ready?
Making a plan is key: make sure everyone knows where to meet outside in case of velociraptors (or fires). Also, practice evacuating your home twice a year. For authenticity, we recommend dressing like a bipedal carnivore and sneaking into your husband’s office at night. Remember preparedness can be fun!
Aren’t Velociraptors extinct?
No, they just went underground, they’re very Portland.
For more information on preparing yourself for Raptor attacks see: