If you’re following the breaking news about Greg Biffle [‘s lifesize cardboard cutout], you shouldn’t be surprised to hear about the voicemail I received this morning. Gave me chills, I tell you. You can listen to it here:

Seems that Greg Biffle’s captors are planning to torture him (in massive violation of those Geneva Conventions) if we don’t meet their demands. He’s okay for now, but we’ll be hearing more on Monday.

So what do you think we should do? Do we meet their as-yet-unspecified demands? Do we remain steadfast and let Greg Biffle [‘s lifesize cardboard cutout] take whatever they dish out? Leave your advice in the comments below and we’ll see if we can come up with a plan by Monday.

P.S. I’m concerned that Greg is disguising his voice in the message. Not sure why he’d do that, but it’s definitely nefarious.

P.P.S. The captors are incredibly wily. I checked my phone for the time when they called and, sure enough, it’s listed as “External Call — Unknown Number.” Where’s the FBI when you need them?